Wednesday, January 13, 2010

renfaire s-bags

I love the renaissance faire. It's a place where the ironies of mankind are displayed before your eyes with relentless candor. For instance, at the renaissance faire, the queen walks through and everyone bows and grovels and whatnot, just like it is in real life with fuckin celebrities and politicians and celebrity politicians.

Except in the renaissance faire, the queen is just another carny, and is queen only to the other carnies because of her place in the carnie hierarchy. The great part of the Renaissance faire is that when people do all this bowing and groveling, it's like they're making fun of themselves and their celebrity worship. Of course I doubt alot of them see it this way, they're just going through the motions. The queen walks through, everybody bows. We're used to it. We bow to disembodied heads on the TV everyday.

Take the story of some guy named James Peterman or some shit, a rich dude, a CEO if you will, at the renaissance faire doing a bit of contemporary slumming amongst the proles and the carnies. He's wearing some stupid khaki shorts that ride up his ass and bowing in comedy to the queen as she rides by with her fucking chin in the air. It means nothing to him personally, it's good fun. But if his son or daughter notices him in a supplicating gesture, he gets self conscious, not wanting to seem weak or willing to exist beneath another human being in front of his brood. His battle with inferiority goes this deep. It doesn't matter that this "queen" is just another carnie dressed up in some outlandish garb that is painfully absent of any anachronistic fuck-ups, or that one of her incisors juts peculiarly outward at an angle that is almost unnoticeable, except for jimmy-rich-fucker here, who takes a certain private smugness in the fact that the "queen" can't afford braces to get herself some decent fucking teeth. This guy, when he sees his kid looking at him bowing at a fantasy character, straightens up in a wincingly self-conscious way and kind of leers awkwardly at the queen to prove his dominance and non-deference to her pretend sovereignty.

When the kid asks, "Why'd you look at the queen like that , daddy? You're supposed to bow," the rich dude wants to say, "Cause daddy dont take no shit from no fuckin low class fake-ass queen," but all he says is "She's only a pretend queen, dear." By this guy's logic it ruins any sense of fantasy for the kid, which kinda sucks, but it puts the stamp on who the kid should think has bigger balls, which is the most important thing.

And then there' s this guy, who for sure is gonna get massive amounts of wench pussy with the fresh-ass pumas and utili-kilt combo:

someone get this guy a wooden axe before he starts crying, for christ's sake.

No comments:

Post a Comment